There's a cardinal rule in the Mommy Blogging world. You might not know it if you haven't been around long enough, or you know, if you live under a rock.
Here's the rule: You don't ever attack Dooce on your blog. Actually, let me rephrase that, you don't attack D*oce on your blog. (Gawd forbid the Google bots pick up on your rant.) Heck, you don't even talk about Dooce for fear of riling up the Internets and being called an attention whore or something a little less polite.
Yeah, so, I'm about to completely disregard that rule. Sorry. Oh, and I'm not doing it for the attention. I'm doing it because there's something that needs to be said and well, no one else is saying it.
Have I mentioned that BlogHer08 rocked? I know, I know. You're heard it all, blah, blah, blah. Well, hear me out. There's one last thing I want to share. To be honest there was a tiny bit of it that didn't rock, and in fact that I wished I'd skipped.
Without going into agonizing detail, let me just say to the closing keynote speaker whose name I was never supposed to mention:
"Uh, hi, those readers that you so claim to love, that's us. Yes, us, this room filled with 1000 women bloggers. We're your audience. We're your "support system." So when you sit up there and look so bored and annoyed to be with us, well we feel a little slighted and offended. It would be nice if you could at least pretend to be one of us, or heck just pretend to like us, you know, for the entire hour you had to be in our presence. There are a lot of bloggers out there who look up to you and think you walk on water, and they deserve to be treated with a modicum of respect.
Also, we're all trying hard to write great, compelling blogs. We all struggle every day to think up great posts. It's just that the rest of us are also working full time at some other, not always so glamorous, job, so I'm sorry if we didn't seem too sympathetic when you were talking about how hard it is to write a blog post every day. Kthnxbai."
And while were on the taboo subject.
To the author of the SF Gate article about Mommy Bloggers making money from their blog, and everyone else who has ever written this story: The real story doesn't lie in the fact that Dooce is earning enough money blogging to support her whole family. Yeah, that's neat and all, and I know it sure makes for great press. But seriously, that's old news. Let it go already.
The real story? Well, you missed the real story.
The real story lies in all the amazing, awesome mom writers putting themselves out there day after day despite the criticism and vitriol hurled at them by family, friends, and complete strangers when they share their stories. The real story lies in the awesome community that has evolved out of this brave new world. The real story lies in the women who are finding work thanks to the blogs that they sweat over every day while leading their "real" lives. The real story lies in the fact that the advertising/marketing types are finally sitting up and taking notice of this massive group of women who have toiled silently forever while quietly making the important decisions in their family's every day lives. The real story lies in the countless Mommy Bloggers who aren't famous or even remotely well known. The real story lies with us.
Mommy Blogging isn't a get rich quick scheme and when the media portrays it as such it sells this empowering medium short and it cheats women out of a powerful communication tool that might not ever make them millionaires, but does allow them to connect with hundreds of others women who share their experiences, joys, and pain on a daily basis; a tough network of sisters fighting together in the trenches of motherhood that until now always felt so desolate in the thick of the battle.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
It's my birthday and I'll...
... Twitter if I want to. (All afternoon. So there.)
... laze about if I want to.
... watch bad daytime TV if I want to. (Rant about Direct TV DVR coming tomorrow. Grrr.)
... eat chocolate if I want to. (Thanks to the Emily Post BlogHer stand keeping me supplied for a long while. Yum.)
... leave the kids with a sitter if I want to. (So what if we met her while shopping at Safeway. She's a great cashier and sitter.)
... do no work at all if I want to. (Ah, oops. Need to work on that Blissfully Domestic post when we get home from dinner!)
... go out to lunch AND dinner if I want to.
... put my baby to bed instead of the sitter if I want to. (Because I so love the pre-bedtime snuggle.)
... have desert if I want to. (Yeah! Because! Yum!)
... and most definitely NOT cry, because why would I want to? So far, this is the best 32nd birthday EVER!
... laze about if I want to.
... watch bad daytime TV if I want to. (Rant about Direct TV DVR coming tomorrow. Grrr.)
... eat chocolate if I want to. (Thanks to the Emily Post BlogHer stand keeping me supplied for a long while. Yum.)
... leave the kids with a sitter if I want to. (So what if we met her while shopping at Safeway. She's a great cashier and sitter.)
... do no work at all if I want to. (Ah, oops. Need to work on that Blissfully Domestic post when we get home from dinner!)
... go out to lunch AND dinner if I want to.
... put my baby to bed instead of the sitter if I want to. (Because I so love the pre-bedtime snuggle.)
... have desert if I want to. (Yeah! Because! Yum!)
... and most definitely NOT cry, because why would I want to? So far, this is the best 32nd birthday EVER!
Monday, July 21, 2008
BlogHer08 - Is mommyblogging still a radical act?
The very first morning at BlogHer I attended a session titled Is Mommy Blogging still a radical act. I didn't live blog the session, but I did take copious notes. It was an interesting enough topic that I feel the need to transcribe my notes here and maybe get your opinions. Most of the following text is taken verbatim from the session. Here and there I've entered my own conclusions, but I don't think that it affected the original conversation.
Here goes nothing.
What is radical? Radical at it's root means basic, but it can also refer to something having a social impact. Radical from a Mommy Blogging perspective is making a private world public.
Mommy Bloggers are making a fundamental change. We're transforming what used to be isolated into something public. But putting ourselves out there for the world to read and judge is not only radical, but also brave.
Blogging is the start of a shift towards honesty. Before Mommy Blogs women turned to magazine articles for support and information. And although parenting magazines are great, they only show the rosy, happy, clean side of the story. They don't present the true dirty side of mommyhood. Bloggers are out there crying "Wait! No one told me this!" and shedding light for other moms who are also in the dark.
And yet, what's radical is that people are still criticizing us for speaking out. People are scared and want to shh us. But the shift is happening, woman are claiming the medium and speaking their truth. The braveness lies in the ones who keep speaking and don't let themselves be shhhed.
Mommy Blogging is about the community, about the honesty, about the feeling of release, about connecting with other moms.
In real life we have an obligation to respond or to show up. When we we spend time at a playgroup or with other people most of the conversation is taken up with small talk, especially when our children are present.
Blogging allows us to read a post and then think about how we want to respond. We can come back at a later time when our thoughts are organized. The conversation is never dropped. Blog world conversations take place on a different timeline which allows for deeper, truer discussions.
Mommy Blogging is radical in the way it brings moms of different ages and different worlds together.
Being a mom is very isolating. Years ago people lived in smaller communities, spent more time together, and interacted more. Moms bonded over quilting circles or community washing days. Now we're all toiling in our own corner, unsure that what we're doing is right, unconvinced that what we're feeling is OK. The momosphere is the new quilting circle, our place to bond with each other and learn from the community.
Mommy Blogging is radical because people still criticize us for trying to make money from our blogs. When we write about our families or lives and get paid to do so then we're "exploiting our families", which is "sick." When political bloggers write about what they know and make money it's acceptable. If a tech blogger reviews a product it's fine. If a Mommy Blogger reviews a product she's selling out.
Mommy Blogging is radical because it's a movent of women. It's a silent movement that started out disregarded and played down. No one saw us coming, but children are important and mothering is important and if we can get paid to write about mothering then more power to us. But it's scary to see mothers get paid for our knowledge. It confirms our power and importance. It makes men and other women try to squash us in fear. The work mothers do is not counted in the GNP. Mommy Bloggers who earn money from their blogs are getting paid for knowledge that's never been compensated before. But people are missing the point; getting paid to blog is not the same thing as getting paid to mother.
There are 36 million women a week in the blogosphere. It's time for us to take the money. It's time for us to take the business. But it's especially time for us to write the rules.
We can't pander to advertisers and we can't pander to readers. We must keep true to our voice and our integrity. We can't forget that it's our space to be ourselves. We write for ourselves. Everything else is a bonus.
Mommy Blogging is still definitely a radical act, and what we can do to stay radical is to continue being ourselves. We have to stay true to our voices and maintain our edge. When we start to let others dictate what we say or write, then we'll stop being radical. As bloggers we have to work hard to remain objective, if we don't we risk losing our voice and eventually our audience. Our advertisers and readers want to read what we have to say, they want to read us, they want us to be transparent so they know they can keep trusting us.
Here goes nothing.
What is radical? Radical at it's root means basic, but it can also refer to something having a social impact. Radical from a Mommy Blogging perspective is making a private world public.
Mommy Bloggers are making a fundamental change. We're transforming what used to be isolated into something public. But putting ourselves out there for the world to read and judge is not only radical, but also brave.
Blogging is the start of a shift towards honesty. Before Mommy Blogs women turned to magazine articles for support and information. And although parenting magazines are great, they only show the rosy, happy, clean side of the story. They don't present the true dirty side of mommyhood. Bloggers are out there crying "Wait! No one told me this!" and shedding light for other moms who are also in the dark.
And yet, what's radical is that people are still criticizing us for speaking out. People are scared and want to shh us. But the shift is happening, woman are claiming the medium and speaking their truth. The braveness lies in the ones who keep speaking and don't let themselves be shhhed.
Mommy Blogging is about the community, about the honesty, about the feeling of release, about connecting with other moms.
In real life we have an obligation to respond or to show up. When we we spend time at a playgroup or with other people most of the conversation is taken up with small talk, especially when our children are present.
Blogging allows us to read a post and then think about how we want to respond. We can come back at a later time when our thoughts are organized. The conversation is never dropped. Blog world conversations take place on a different timeline which allows for deeper, truer discussions.
Mommy Blogging is radical in the way it brings moms of different ages and different worlds together.
Being a mom is very isolating. Years ago people lived in smaller communities, spent more time together, and interacted more. Moms bonded over quilting circles or community washing days. Now we're all toiling in our own corner, unsure that what we're doing is right, unconvinced that what we're feeling is OK. The momosphere is the new quilting circle, our place to bond with each other and learn from the community.
Mommy Blogging is radical because people still criticize us for trying to make money from our blogs. When we write about our families or lives and get paid to do so then we're "exploiting our families", which is "sick." When political bloggers write about what they know and make money it's acceptable. If a tech blogger reviews a product it's fine. If a Mommy Blogger reviews a product she's selling out.
Mommy Blogging is radical because it's a movent of women. It's a silent movement that started out disregarded and played down. No one saw us coming, but children are important and mothering is important and if we can get paid to write about mothering then more power to us. But it's scary to see mothers get paid for our knowledge. It confirms our power and importance. It makes men and other women try to squash us in fear. The work mothers do is not counted in the GNP. Mommy Bloggers who earn money from their blogs are getting paid for knowledge that's never been compensated before. But people are missing the point; getting paid to blog is not the same thing as getting paid to mother.
There are 36 million women a week in the blogosphere. It's time for us to take the money. It's time for us to take the business. But it's especially time for us to write the rules.
We can't pander to advertisers and we can't pander to readers. We must keep true to our voice and our integrity. We can't forget that it's our space to be ourselves. We write for ourselves. Everything else is a bonus.
Mommy Blogging is still definitely a radical act, and what we can do to stay radical is to continue being ourselves. We have to stay true to our voices and maintain our edge. When we start to let others dictate what we say or write, then we'll stop being radical. As bloggers we have to work hard to remain objective, if we don't we risk losing our voice and eventually our audience. Our advertisers and readers want to read what we have to say, they want to read us, they want us to be transparent so they know they can keep trusting us.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Blogging; it's not a dirty word
Being away for two days was awesome. Don't get me wrong, I adore my husband and kids. I love being a mom and a wife. I love being with them. I love our life. But there's no doubt that I was in dire need of some me time, and that BlogHer was definitely the right place for me to recharge my batteries.
Three months before Little L was born M ruptured a cervical disk leaving me to pretty much care for C on my own. Then the baby was born and we all know how that goes: no sleep, constant nursing, crying, the works. Throw a preschooler, injured husband, and work into the mix a mere four months later and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster.
Because my plate wasn't quite full enough I decided to launch a shiny brand new career in the midst of all that. So on top of everything else I was working late into every night and feeling like I just wasn't doing enough for anyone, and completely ignoring myself while I was at it. Yeah, it was getting ugly.
So two days all about myself and my needs was very refreshing, probably even crucial at this point. I got to go to bed when I wanted and wake up when I needed to. I showered on my schedule and ate what I felt like eating. Any snacks in my purse were mine, all, all mine. And even though I missed M, C, and Little L terribly it was liberating to be able to eat a meal without having someone poke me, climb on me, or need to be fed in the middle of my entree.
And then there was the added bonus of having the conference validate my feelings about blogging.
I've always used my blog as my outlet, as a way to think through issues, to record moments I didn't want to forget. It's been my hobby for years now. I loved sitting down at night to pour my heart out into words. I felt a thrill each time I hit publish and an even better high when people commented on my words. Nothing is more heady for a writer than knowing that her words have moved someone to want to reply. But despite all the joy blogging brought me it was always something I was a little ashamed to cop to. Almost as though blogging were my dirty little secret, not a lot bad, just a little, like a weird food craving or a slightly disturbing fetish. I met awesome friends and discovered a priceless community, but I still felt very sheepish when I revealing to someone I knew in real life that I had a blog.
Being surrounded by 1000 women who share my dirty little secret made it not so little and definitely not so dirty. Maybe instead of "I'm so blogging this." the swag bag tag line should have read: "Blogging; it's not a dirty word."
Everyone at the conference handed out their colorful business cards with pride and discussed their blog niche with glee. I didn't hear a single person say "I just have a mommyblog." or "I just write about my kids." Everyone was proud of their blog, excited about their creation, and it was inspiring and thrilling to be surrounded by that energy.
Now that I'm home I have to adjust my enthusiasm levels a bit. Not about the blog itself, just about the way I accost complete strangers. I have to remember that not everyone feels compelled to tell the world every detail of their lives, and that not everyone cares to know more about me than meets the eye. But the slight shame about the blog? Totally gone. In fact I think I need to get a few more business cards from Moo. I only have two left over from this weekend and I know I'm going to want to hand out more than that in the coming weeks. I have a blog to promote and lots of energy to devote to it!
*************
Tomorrow I'll upload the notes I took at the first session I attended. There was just a bit too much to sift through to get it done tonight.
Three months before Little L was born M ruptured a cervical disk leaving me to pretty much care for C on my own. Then the baby was born and we all know how that goes: no sleep, constant nursing, crying, the works. Throw a preschooler, injured husband, and work into the mix a mere four months later and you pretty much have a recipe for disaster.
Because my plate wasn't quite full enough I decided to launch a shiny brand new career in the midst of all that. So on top of everything else I was working late into every night and feeling like I just wasn't doing enough for anyone, and completely ignoring myself while I was at it. Yeah, it was getting ugly.
So two days all about myself and my needs was very refreshing, probably even crucial at this point. I got to go to bed when I wanted and wake up when I needed to. I showered on my schedule and ate what I felt like eating. Any snacks in my purse were mine, all, all mine. And even though I missed M, C, and Little L terribly it was liberating to be able to eat a meal without having someone poke me, climb on me, or need to be fed in the middle of my entree.
And then there was the added bonus of having the conference validate my feelings about blogging.
I've always used my blog as my outlet, as a way to think through issues, to record moments I didn't want to forget. It's been my hobby for years now. I loved sitting down at night to pour my heart out into words. I felt a thrill each time I hit publish and an even better high when people commented on my words. Nothing is more heady for a writer than knowing that her words have moved someone to want to reply. But despite all the joy blogging brought me it was always something I was a little ashamed to cop to. Almost as though blogging were my dirty little secret, not a lot bad, just a little, like a weird food craving or a slightly disturbing fetish. I met awesome friends and discovered a priceless community, but I still felt very sheepish when I revealing to someone I knew in real life that I had a blog.
Being surrounded by 1000 women who share my dirty little secret made it not so little and definitely not so dirty. Maybe instead of "I'm so blogging this." the swag bag tag line should have read: "Blogging; it's not a dirty word."
Everyone at the conference handed out their colorful business cards with pride and discussed their blog niche with glee. I didn't hear a single person say "I just have a mommyblog." or "I just write about my kids." Everyone was proud of their blog, excited about their creation, and it was inspiring and thrilling to be surrounded by that energy.
Now that I'm home I have to adjust my enthusiasm levels a bit. Not about the blog itself, just about the way I accost complete strangers. I have to remember that not everyone feels compelled to tell the world every detail of their lives, and that not everyone cares to know more about me than meets the eye. But the slight shame about the blog? Totally gone. In fact I think I need to get a few more business cards from Moo. I only have two left over from this weekend and I know I'm going to want to hand out more than that in the coming weeks. I have a blog to promote and lots of energy to devote to it!
*************
Tomorrow I'll upload the notes I took at the first session I attended. There was just a bit too much to sift through to get it done tonight.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Home sweet home
Annnd... I'm home. In my ridiculously tidy home with two sweetly sleeping kids. M outdid himself. Kids are happy, house is clean... might have to leave more often. You know, if I can ever get rid of these shackles he slapped on me as I walked in.
OK. OK. He didn't really, but I'd better still stick around for a while just so we can recreate the myth of my indispensability. Can't have these people thinking they can do away with me! Maybe I'll have to cook something scrumptious tomorrow. Or be extra nice for a few days.
Still tons of things to report from BlogHer. Great bloggers to showcase. Great swag to review. Oh and a funny little story that starts with Twitter and ends with me typing this blog post on a brand new HP laptop. That's right. I'm sitting here at home with my brand new iPod, brand new laptop, and brand new blue tooth headset. BlogHer? ROCKED.
OK. OK. He didn't really, but I'd better still stick around for a while just so we can recreate the myth of my indispensability. Can't have these people thinking they can do away with me! Maybe I'll have to cook something scrumptious tomorrow. Or be extra nice for a few days.
Still tons of things to report from BlogHer. Great bloggers to showcase. Great swag to review. Oh and a funny little story that starts with Twitter and ends with me typing this blog post on a brand new HP laptop. That's right. I'm sitting here at home with my brand new iPod, brand new laptop, and brand new blue tooth headset. BlogHer? ROCKED.
BlogHer08 - How We Communicate: Photography - Liveblog of session
(I will be liveblogging this session and updating frequently during the hour. After the session ends I will go in and clean up and edit my notes. Email subscribers pardon the barrage of emails!)
Session speaker: Me Ra Koh
From the BlogHer08 brochure: Author, blogger and photographer Me Ra Koh will share her tips for Enhancing Your Images and reveal the Seven Secrets the Pros Don’t Want You to Know.
Picnic.com: A fun easy way to edit your photos. Go check it out!
Me Ra: Excited to be here. Usually speak at photography industry, so exciting to be with almost all women. Usually does workshop, so 75 minutes isn't a lot. Wide scope.
DVD set: How to understand your camera better. Starting a photo business 101. Beyond the green box: understanding your SLR. All available on the web site.
Me Ra: Who am I? Fell into photography. Writer and speaker for 10 years. When daughter was 18 months old, was pregnant with second, doing a speaking engagement, had pain and cramping and lost the baby. Got tired, couldn't write and speak any more. Went out to buy a camera. Had a fear that the camera was too technical. But sometimes so desperate for yourself that you don't care what others say anymore. Aim: capture and hold on to life when you just can't anymore.
Started taking family shots and moved on to friends, did a wedding and now doing weddings for $20 000.
Now the new icon for Sony.
Here to say: No matter what your fears, no matter how hard it seems, you can all do it and love it.
Ten essential things that have changed the studio and beefed it up. Starting easy and getting harder and harder.
Question: How do you pick color vs B&W.
Answer:
1) Define the emotion. She and Brian shoot everything in raw and shoot everything in color. Look at emotion in image. Emotion is timeless if B&W will enhance it ok. But if the emotion isn't special, then look at other thing. Baby blue eye...
Sometimes B&W makes the emotion pop more.
Does post process change. Photoshop: B&W snap in Kubota package.
2) Fill the frame. Consciously thinking all the time "How to fill the frame." Not so much photographers as story tellers. Want to capture all the emotions of the day. Any background that doesn't point to that gets in the way.
If you have background make it enhance the story.
1/3rds principle : if break image into 1/3 each 1/3 would be filled w/ something powerful and you would focus on the most important 1/3rd. Plays a lot into filling the frame intentionally.
3) Concept from writing world: Less is more. You can frame shots where you don't see the face, but still get the emotion. Crop super tight with the zoom lens.
Big mantra: Refuse to say cheese! Don't miss their lives. So much to record.
4) How blurry do you want your background?
Aperture & F stops: look at lens - goes to a certain point. Says 3.5 - 5.6 = range in blurriness. The lower you go in the # the blurrier the background gets.
She and Brian shoot everything in 2.8.
When you zoom in your F point only goes to 5.6. Not so blurry.
Need to invest some money in a lens. If you like the blurry background you need a lens that goes to 2.8.
Lenses with no zoom can go really low. Like 1.6. But if you have a zoom it can't go that low.
Taking a picture of three kids: pretend their noses are on a glass wall. Shoot in 2.8. All three in focus rest of room blurry.
The smaller the number, the more blurriness in the back.
Higher you go in the F stop - more detail you get.
5) How low can you go in your ISO?
ISO is like film speed.
Nikon best 200 ISO. For max color saturation.
Canon or Sony best 1oo ISO. For max color saturation.
Lowest ISO best color saturation.
Low ISO means lots of light coming in. But need a tripod because the shutter speed is going to take forever to open and close.
6) AI Serbo (Really fun)
Secret that pros use. Auto lock focus that locks on movement coming towards you or going away. Great for moving kids. Has to be forward backward motion.
7) Flash
Worst flash you can use is the one on the camera.
Sometimes you need to pop a flash, need light. Create an effect where you can use a flash and make it seem like you aren't using one.
We want no shadows. Looks like natural sunlight. So don't fire the shot straight.
Can bounce the light of the ceiling - light comes right back down. But run into racoon or dracula eyes. Creates bags under eyes.
Can bounce the light to the side - where the wall and the ceiling meet. Hits the corner and comes back at diagonal, looks like sunlight. Does look like natural light.
Can bounce the light behind you. Goes all the way to the back wall and come back. Gives a very natural light.
"If I had a super ball and I wanted to hit you with it I'd have to figure out where to throw it so it came back and hit you in the face." Science behind the bounce flash.
For flash going behind: Want to be in TTL mode. Settings are always at 1/60 of second. Aperture at 4.5 or something. Not going for super low effect. ISO is at 800.
BNH photo best prices on photography equipment, but terrible customer service. Have a Stopen Diffuser, $10-$12 - fragments the light. Or use the bottom of a dish washing cup and duct tape.
This is your tool and do whatever you want with it. Try, try, don't be afraid. See what works.
When don't have walls and shooting outside, how do you light them up? Sometimes you just have to fire your flash straight on. Or remote a light.
8) Shutter speed
Slower shutter opens the more light comes in. The faster it opens the less light goes in.
So if you want more white/bright background slow the shutter speed.
9) 3 things in post process - Doesn't spend a ton of time on it.
a) Add contrast. Play with contrast
b) Should this be in B&W? Will it define the emotion better.?
c) Add a vignette. Goes around the outer border of the frame.d
10) Pick just one thing to work on at a time.
Pick one thing, just enjoy it and have fun.
Session speaker: Me Ra Koh
From the BlogHer08 brochure: Author, blogger and photographer Me Ra Koh will share her tips for Enhancing Your Images and reveal the Seven Secrets the Pros Don’t Want You to Know.
Picnic.com: A fun easy way to edit your photos. Go check it out!
Me Ra: Excited to be here. Usually speak at photography industry, so exciting to be with almost all women. Usually does workshop, so 75 minutes isn't a lot. Wide scope.
DVD set: How to understand your camera better. Starting a photo business 101. Beyond the green box: understanding your SLR. All available on the web site.
Me Ra: Who am I? Fell into photography. Writer and speaker for 10 years. When daughter was 18 months old, was pregnant with second, doing a speaking engagement, had pain and cramping and lost the baby. Got tired, couldn't write and speak any more. Went out to buy a camera. Had a fear that the camera was too technical. But sometimes so desperate for yourself that you don't care what others say anymore. Aim: capture and hold on to life when you just can't anymore.
Started taking family shots and moved on to friends, did a wedding and now doing weddings for $20 000.
Now the new icon for Sony.
Here to say: No matter what your fears, no matter how hard it seems, you can all do it and love it.
Ten essential things that have changed the studio and beefed it up. Starting easy and getting harder and harder.
Question: How do you pick color vs B&W.
Answer:
1) Define the emotion. She and Brian shoot everything in raw and shoot everything in color. Look at emotion in image. Emotion is timeless if B&W will enhance it ok. But if the emotion isn't special, then look at other thing. Baby blue eye...
Sometimes B&W makes the emotion pop more.
Does post process change. Photoshop: B&W snap in Kubota package.
2) Fill the frame. Consciously thinking all the time "How to fill the frame." Not so much photographers as story tellers. Want to capture all the emotions of the day. Any background that doesn't point to that gets in the way.
If you have background make it enhance the story.
1/3rds principle : if break image into 1/3 each 1/3 would be filled w/ something powerful and you would focus on the most important 1/3rd. Plays a lot into filling the frame intentionally.
3) Concept from writing world: Less is more. You can frame shots where you don't see the face, but still get the emotion. Crop super tight with the zoom lens.
Big mantra: Refuse to say cheese! Don't miss their lives. So much to record.
4) How blurry do you want your background?
Aperture & F stops: look at lens - goes to a certain point. Says 3.5 - 5.6 = range in blurriness. The lower you go in the # the blurrier the background gets.
She and Brian shoot everything in 2.8.
When you zoom in your F point only goes to 5.6. Not so blurry.
Need to invest some money in a lens. If you like the blurry background you need a lens that goes to 2.8.
Lenses with no zoom can go really low. Like 1.6. But if you have a zoom it can't go that low.
Taking a picture of three kids: pretend their noses are on a glass wall. Shoot in 2.8. All three in focus rest of room blurry.
The smaller the number, the more blurriness in the back.
Higher you go in the F stop - more detail you get.
5) How low can you go in your ISO?
ISO is like film speed.
Nikon best 200 ISO. For max color saturation.
Canon or Sony best 1oo ISO. For max color saturation.
Lowest ISO best color saturation.
Low ISO means lots of light coming in. But need a tripod because the shutter speed is going to take forever to open and close.
6) AI Serbo (Really fun)
Secret that pros use. Auto lock focus that locks on movement coming towards you or going away. Great for moving kids. Has to be forward backward motion.
7) Flash
Worst flash you can use is the one on the camera.
Sometimes you need to pop a flash, need light. Create an effect where you can use a flash and make it seem like you aren't using one.
We want no shadows. Looks like natural sunlight. So don't fire the shot straight.
Can bounce the light of the ceiling - light comes right back down. But run into racoon or dracula eyes. Creates bags under eyes.
Can bounce the light to the side - where the wall and the ceiling meet. Hits the corner and comes back at diagonal, looks like sunlight. Does look like natural light.
Can bounce the light behind you. Goes all the way to the back wall and come back. Gives a very natural light.
"If I had a super ball and I wanted to hit you with it I'd have to figure out where to throw it so it came back and hit you in the face." Science behind the bounce flash.
For flash going behind: Want to be in TTL mode. Settings are always at 1/60 of second. Aperture at 4.5 or something. Not going for super low effect. ISO is at 800.
BNH photo best prices on photography equipment, but terrible customer service. Have a Stopen Diffuser, $10-$12 - fragments the light. Or use the bottom of a dish washing cup and duct tape.
This is your tool and do whatever you want with it. Try, try, don't be afraid. See what works.
When don't have walls and shooting outside, how do you light them up? Sometimes you just have to fire your flash straight on. Or remote a light.
8) Shutter speed
Slower shutter opens the more light comes in. The faster it opens the less light goes in.
So if you want more white/bright background slow the shutter speed.
9) 3 things in post process - Doesn't spend a ton of time on it.
a) Add contrast. Play with contrast
b) Should this be in B&W? Will it define the emotion better.?
c) Add a vignette. Goes around the outer border of the frame.d
10) Pick just one thing to work on at a time.
Pick one thing, just enjoy it and have fun.
BlogHer08 - The Commercial Momosphere: Policies, Ethics, and Outreach - Liveblog of session
Session speakers: Lotta Svoboda, Devra Renner, Kristen Chase, and Dawn Meehan (Dawn is having some issues with her blog, check back later today or tomorrow when she'll be back online!).
From the BlogHer08 brochure: One code of conduct could probably never apply to the blogosphere...but do you have a personal code of conduct? Where are your boundaries? And do you publish them? Moreover, there has been lots of talk lately about how marketers blow it with MommyBloggers (and other bloggers too, for that matter.) Horror stories can be fun, but what if we could change the game? Do you have a code of conduct you wish marketers would abide by? Do you publish it? Do you outline how to contact you and who should bother? And let's be honest: Does your reaction totally change based on what you're being pitched, not on the quality of the pitch? Not every MommyBlogger is interested in that dread word "monetization." But for those who are, it will certainly be useful to talk about how we balance community, content and commercialism.
Goal of the discussion: Dealing with commercialization in the momosphere. Is the commercial relationship right for you? It's not for everyone.
Question for panelists: Do you have a code of conduct for your blog?
Lotta: I am one and they are many - don't let natural good manners get in the way. OK to have automated auto reply saying what you would and won't do.
Dawn: Does have policy, does review products and has ads. Started her blog to make money. If the pitch isn't personal doesn't respond. If it's addressed to her and it's by someone who knows her blog she'll respond. She'll write a very honest review, but gives the company the opportunity to review it first and if they don't want her to post it she won't.
Kristen: Has a policy. If you've decided to monetize and reviews and ads are what you want to do. It's your space so it's good to have a visible policy. She has it right above her email. She makes it clear so if she gets an email that ignores the policy she can refer back to it.
You can only disclose so much on your about page, and then there is going to be some reading that has to happen. Or the PR person won't know. But you can use the policy and the about page so readers get a good sense of you. You can offer suggestions so when you get a terrible pitch you have a reference point and you can use the pitch as a jumping off point for a good conversation with the person.
Lotta: You have to detach yourself and realize that it might be an intern who sends something. It's not personal, don't get too riled up.
Devra: When Disney scheduled an event over Passover she tried to fix it. She went through channels trying to change it, and then wasn't listend to. So she tried to handle it with humor. People make mistakes. We're all human.
Audience member from Edelman PR: Some PR firms are honest and transparent. Her company insist their staff read two months of archives before pitching. Some people write back with a pissy attitude assuming that all PR firms are evil, and not all are like that.
Lotta: You shouldn't take it personally . Not all PR firms are awesome. You're getting the repercussion from that.
Dawn: Some pitches come from awesome PR firms, who clearly have read her blog.
Heather from Rookie Moms: It boils down to what's the product and what do I care? And figuring out what your readers are going to care about too. Try to be relevant and have something to say. She sometimes makes her reviews are a bit too snarky. Once a product owner was really offended and wrote a mean email. It's up to the blogger to figure out what are the policies and boundaries.
Lotta: You decide where do you let them in. It's your blog.
Kristen: When you start a blog, it's a personal space. If you didn't originally make decision to monetize, when people send pitches you have to sit and consider what is the purpose of your blog. What's going to make sense? Is a review going to fit?
Lotta: Bear in mind that you're valuable. You're giving them a huge platform
Mom101: She gets 100 pitches a day. Do you (the panelists) have a memorable pitch you got? Something you weren't looking for, but worked out great?
Kristen: The T-Mobil one on her blog now. They'd read the blog carefully. Referenced great posts and presented the T-Mobil thing in a not so clear way. She called to get clarification. The rep was open to the dialog so it made it a great pitch. Opened with "I'm not sure this is something you might be interested in, but..."
Dawn: For a long time didn't realize that she could say "Sure, what are you going to pay me?" Your time is valuable.
Lotta: It's OK to ask for more. She also approaches companies. It's fine to approach them.
Kristen: That's when having a good relationship comes into play. Before refusing rudely keep in mind you might need them or their product at some point. Keep dialog open.
Devra: Surprising pitch? Chicago Auto Show. she almost deleted the email, but decided to open it. The rep had read blog post about a road trip trumping a guilt trip. They wanted her feedback on a family car. GM sent her to Chicago, took her to the House of Blues, and sent her to the car show. She wrote about the experience in the style of her blog. After that she got invited to another event for GM, about different work/life policies. Then they wanted to work with the SVMoms group and that's where the road trip came from. None of that would have happened if she'd hit delete on that first email.
Audience Member: How do you handle commenters from PR people who make sort of/not really relevant comments with their link.
Dawn: Deletes them if they are just plugging.
Lotta: Unless they're funny, deletes.
Kristen: Emails the person. Tries to educate the person.
Mom Central consulting: She started as mom expert and then got into dialogs with corporations. They are experiencing a paradigm shift. Corporations used to control dialog. And all of a sudden the conversation has been hijacked from the corporations by the consumer. So now corporations who are used to controlling the way we talk about things, are at a loss. Web2.0 has given us the power. Corporations are trying to enter the dialog and they find it terrifying. Like going over Niagara Falls. So they are trying many things to enter the dialog and they aren't used to conversing, they're used to telling.
Devra: It's important to remember there's not just one universal mom out there. We all have different aspects to our lives other than just the mom part. So some times we might hear things that are relevant to mom part or business woman part or whatever other part.
Kristen: It's one thing if you care about it, but it doesn't mean you're going to write about it on your blog. We're not one dimensional, blogging is about 25% of our lives. Caring is one thing, what we're going to write about is another.
Devra: It's also about our readers and what they'll care about.
Audience Member: She sees pitches from Etsy store owners. Do you react differently to pitches from individuals as opposed to corporations?
Lotta: If it's a mom she'll probably do it for free. If it's a corp she'll be tougher.
Kristen: She's more inclined to write something if there's a story behind it. Snippets of info are very interesting. Sadly she gets more pitches from large corporations.
Audience Member again: How do you handle something you don't want to do?
Devra: Just no thank you. Hit delete.
Kristen: Used to answer all the emails at Cool Mom Picks. Not any more. thought if it's not right for their blog, but know someone who would be interested then they'll refer them to that blogger.
Devra: all about the relationship
Katie of Rants and Raves: Lots of blogs that are ill designed. Hard to figure out what it's about. Sometimes the about page is not enough. Lots of bloggers need to look at their site and need to pare down.
Devra: Know your audience and know what you're about.
Katie again: Who do you contact if you want to review books?
Audience Member: Little publishers really do want to connect with bloggers. Because they are competing with huge companies. Contact other mom bloggers, contact publishing houses. Keep trying.
Kristen: Beauty of this community is that it's fairly small. So reach out and ask other bloggers for help.
Janice of 5 minutes for mom - They work with PR companies. She loves her reps. Wonderful people. She chats with the reps, gets to know them, and then they come up with great projects together.
How do you differentiate posts you get paid for versus ones you don't? We're the pioneers and we're trying to do it best. Find way to get medium to work best for everyone.
Kristen: Started Motherhood Uncensored in '05 and didn't think about monetizing at the time. Now she writes a quick post about a company and realized she might need to put a disclosure at the bottom stating that she didn't get paid to write it. We're in that place where we're starting to need to think about full disclosure.
Devra: We live in a world where there are different assumptions. People have different agendas. People aren't assuming that you're being honest.
Dawn: If she writes about the product on main blog she'll write if she got it for free. But she doesn't feel she has to disclose.
Lotta: Will say she got paid, but she'll do it anyway.
Janice again - Not saying we shouldn't get paid, they want a win win situation for all. There should be compensation all around. The whole concept of disclosure. Would never write something she's not about. Since we are authoring the posts we are innately giving it our endorsement.
Kristen: When you endorse it then we open ourselves for their advertising. But best to be open.
PR Audience Member: Fine line. Some policies are very clear. Where do you see it going? Do you see a time when it's all paid or unpaid? Fine line between PR and advertising.
Kristen: Needs to be a differentiation. Understands there isn't money involved in every pitch.
Lotta: Still a way to make it a win win.
Fran from Merlotmom - Info very helpful, but has two questions. Just started 6 or 7 months ago. How much traffic do you need before PR people get interested? How do you promote your traffic?
Kristen: Blog rings help. Other thing time consuming: read other blogs and comment. Be an active part of the community. Copyblogger and problogger will give you hints.
Devra: Some people have searches set up for some terms. Use key words. Businesses are searching their own names. Even on Twitter. They are definitely interested in what you're doing.
Tim Ronnen - Primo Water: Thanks to many people who have written nice things. Thank you for being honest. What make you all readable is because you are honest. Not frightened, excited. Doesn't have the money to tell tell tell.
Question: As a brand builder, what is most relevant to us to make it so we do write about it?
Devra: Look to see if it's relatable to something out readers are going to want to read about. Understand that each blogger has a readership, not reaching out just to that one person, but to the entire network.
Kristen: Don't forget there are other opportunities beyond product reviews. There's consulting. It's great to get a blogger to help you reach bloggers. Get the blogger to help you think outside the box. What do you want? Links? Feedback? Focus groups? Really think about what you want in the long run. There are creative things that can happen that other women have done.
Devra: When everyone has their policy laid out it's easier to have a honest relationship.
PR Audience Member from Ketcham - They are fortunate to have lots of great blogger experts. Do you find it useful to talk to these experts that are moms? Do you welcome a guest post from these experts?
Kristen: Never does guest posts. But a webcast or conference call if interesting or compelling, then sure. Some great opportunities there. Logistics of those are hard, but great to think about. Needs to be compelling, something bloggers will want to talk about.
Marty from Don't take the repeats: Blogging is a new field in the arts. She does it as a creative outlet. She finds that we need to remember that we are selling out time and our talents. Can't forget that no matter how much we believe in the product they're making money by us helping them.
Devra: It's a business relationship. Even if you form friendships, can't forget that.
Marty again: Doesn't want to give away space and voice for free hand sanitizer. You're making them profit, why can't we be included on that?
Devra: Ad dollars are going much farther with us than with a SuperBowl ad.
Audience Member: If you get a 100 pitches a day, how do you handle it? Do you take a free razor or ask for money first?
Dawn: No right or wrong way. It's a personal choice!
Snapfish: Gets Google alerts for all the blogs. They give free things to people who have great ideas, not just big readership. She responds to people who hate them as well as love them. They are always looking for ways you use the products creatively.
Audience Member: If you aren't adding value to blog with your pitches then it's best to advertise. To PR members: Read your pitches. If you wouldn't want to get it, don't send it!
Kristen: Love the thought that blogging is an art. Write really well and people will find you.
Devra: In the end it's all about developing professional relationships and setting expectations.
From the BlogHer08 brochure: One code of conduct could probably never apply to the blogosphere...but do you have a personal code of conduct? Where are your boundaries? And do you publish them? Moreover, there has been lots of talk lately about how marketers blow it with MommyBloggers (and other bloggers too, for that matter.) Horror stories can be fun, but what if we could change the game? Do you have a code of conduct you wish marketers would abide by? Do you publish it? Do you outline how to contact you and who should bother? And let's be honest: Does your reaction totally change based on what you're being pitched, not on the quality of the pitch? Not every MommyBlogger is interested in that dread word "monetization." But for those who are, it will certainly be useful to talk about how we balance community, content and commercialism.
Goal of the discussion: Dealing with commercialization in the momosphere. Is the commercial relationship right for you? It's not for everyone.
Question for panelists: Do you have a code of conduct for your blog?
Lotta: I am one and they are many - don't let natural good manners get in the way. OK to have automated auto reply saying what you would and won't do.
Dawn: Does have policy, does review products and has ads. Started her blog to make money. If the pitch isn't personal doesn't respond. If it's addressed to her and it's by someone who knows her blog she'll respond. She'll write a very honest review, but gives the company the opportunity to review it first and if they don't want her to post it she won't.
Kristen: Has a policy. If you've decided to monetize and reviews and ads are what you want to do. It's your space so it's good to have a visible policy. She has it right above her email. She makes it clear so if she gets an email that ignores the policy she can refer back to it.
You can only disclose so much on your about page, and then there is going to be some reading that has to happen. Or the PR person won't know. But you can use the policy and the about page so readers get a good sense of you. You can offer suggestions so when you get a terrible pitch you have a reference point and you can use the pitch as a jumping off point for a good conversation with the person.
Lotta: You have to detach yourself and realize that it might be an intern who sends something. It's not personal, don't get too riled up.
Devra: When Disney scheduled an event over Passover she tried to fix it. She went through channels trying to change it, and then wasn't listend to. So she tried to handle it with humor. People make mistakes. We're all human.
Audience member from Edelman PR: Some PR firms are honest and transparent. Her company insist their staff read two months of archives before pitching. Some people write back with a pissy attitude assuming that all PR firms are evil, and not all are like that.
Lotta: You shouldn't take it personally . Not all PR firms are awesome. You're getting the repercussion from that.
Dawn: Some pitches come from awesome PR firms, who clearly have read her blog.
Heather from Rookie Moms: It boils down to what's the product and what do I care? And figuring out what your readers are going to care about too. Try to be relevant and have something to say. She sometimes makes her reviews are a bit too snarky. Once a product owner was really offended and wrote a mean email. It's up to the blogger to figure out what are the policies and boundaries.
Lotta: You decide where do you let them in. It's your blog.
Kristen: When you start a blog, it's a personal space. If you didn't originally make decision to monetize, when people send pitches you have to sit and consider what is the purpose of your blog. What's going to make sense? Is a review going to fit?
Lotta: Bear in mind that you're valuable. You're giving them a huge platform
Mom101: She gets 100 pitches a day. Do you (the panelists) have a memorable pitch you got? Something you weren't looking for, but worked out great?
Kristen: The T-Mobil one on her blog now. They'd read the blog carefully. Referenced great posts and presented the T-Mobil thing in a not so clear way. She called to get clarification. The rep was open to the dialog so it made it a great pitch. Opened with "I'm not sure this is something you might be interested in, but..."
Dawn: For a long time didn't realize that she could say "Sure, what are you going to pay me?" Your time is valuable.
Lotta: It's OK to ask for more. She also approaches companies. It's fine to approach them.
Kristen: That's when having a good relationship comes into play. Before refusing rudely keep in mind you might need them or their product at some point. Keep dialog open.
Devra: Surprising pitch? Chicago Auto Show. she almost deleted the email, but decided to open it. The rep had read blog post about a road trip trumping a guilt trip. They wanted her feedback on a family car. GM sent her to Chicago, took her to the House of Blues, and sent her to the car show. She wrote about the experience in the style of her blog. After that she got invited to another event for GM, about different work/life policies. Then they wanted to work with the SVMoms group and that's where the road trip came from. None of that would have happened if she'd hit delete on that first email.
Audience Member: How do you handle commenters from PR people who make sort of/not really relevant comments with their link.
Dawn: Deletes them if they are just plugging.
Lotta: Unless they're funny, deletes.
Kristen: Emails the person. Tries to educate the person.
Mom Central consulting: She started as mom expert and then got into dialogs with corporations. They are experiencing a paradigm shift. Corporations used to control dialog. And all of a sudden the conversation has been hijacked from the corporations by the consumer. So now corporations who are used to controlling the way we talk about things, are at a loss. Web2.0 has given us the power. Corporations are trying to enter the dialog and they find it terrifying. Like going over Niagara Falls. So they are trying many things to enter the dialog and they aren't used to conversing, they're used to telling.
Devra: It's important to remember there's not just one universal mom out there. We all have different aspects to our lives other than just the mom part. So some times we might hear things that are relevant to mom part or business woman part or whatever other part.
Kristen: It's one thing if you care about it, but it doesn't mean you're going to write about it on your blog. We're not one dimensional, blogging is about 25% of our lives. Caring is one thing, what we're going to write about is another.
Devra: It's also about our readers and what they'll care about.
Audience Member: She sees pitches from Etsy store owners. Do you react differently to pitches from individuals as opposed to corporations?
Lotta: If it's a mom she'll probably do it for free. If it's a corp she'll be tougher.
Kristen: She's more inclined to write something if there's a story behind it. Snippets of info are very interesting. Sadly she gets more pitches from large corporations.
Audience Member again: How do you handle something you don't want to do?
Devra: Just no thank you. Hit delete.
Kristen: Used to answer all the emails at Cool Mom Picks. Not any more. thought if it's not right for their blog, but know someone who would be interested then they'll refer them to that blogger.
Devra: all about the relationship
Katie of Rants and Raves: Lots of blogs that are ill designed. Hard to figure out what it's about. Sometimes the about page is not enough. Lots of bloggers need to look at their site and need to pare down.
Devra: Know your audience and know what you're about.
Katie again: Who do you contact if you want to review books?
Audience Member: Little publishers really do want to connect with bloggers. Because they are competing with huge companies. Contact other mom bloggers, contact publishing houses. Keep trying.
Kristen: Beauty of this community is that it's fairly small. So reach out and ask other bloggers for help.
Janice of 5 minutes for mom - They work with PR companies. She loves her reps. Wonderful people. She chats with the reps, gets to know them, and then they come up with great projects together.
How do you differentiate posts you get paid for versus ones you don't? We're the pioneers and we're trying to do it best. Find way to get medium to work best for everyone.
Kristen: Started Motherhood Uncensored in '05 and didn't think about monetizing at the time. Now she writes a quick post about a company and realized she might need to put a disclosure at the bottom stating that she didn't get paid to write it. We're in that place where we're starting to need to think about full disclosure.
Devra: We live in a world where there are different assumptions. People have different agendas. People aren't assuming that you're being honest.
Dawn: If she writes about the product on main blog she'll write if she got it for free. But she doesn't feel she has to disclose.
Lotta: Will say she got paid, but she'll do it anyway.
Janice again - Not saying we shouldn't get paid, they want a win win situation for all. There should be compensation all around. The whole concept of disclosure. Would never write something she's not about. Since we are authoring the posts we are innately giving it our endorsement.
Kristen: When you endorse it then we open ourselves for their advertising. But best to be open.
PR Audience Member: Fine line. Some policies are very clear. Where do you see it going? Do you see a time when it's all paid or unpaid? Fine line between PR and advertising.
Kristen: Needs to be a differentiation. Understands there isn't money involved in every pitch.
Lotta: Still a way to make it a win win.
Fran from Merlotmom - Info very helpful, but has two questions. Just started 6 or 7 months ago. How much traffic do you need before PR people get interested? How do you promote your traffic?
Kristen: Blog rings help. Other thing time consuming: read other blogs and comment. Be an active part of the community. Copyblogger and problogger will give you hints.
Devra: Some people have searches set up for some terms. Use key words. Businesses are searching their own names. Even on Twitter. They are definitely interested in what you're doing.
Tim Ronnen - Primo Water: Thanks to many people who have written nice things. Thank you for being honest. What make you all readable is because you are honest. Not frightened, excited. Doesn't have the money to tell tell tell.
Question: As a brand builder, what is most relevant to us to make it so we do write about it?
Devra: Look to see if it's relatable to something out readers are going to want to read about. Understand that each blogger has a readership, not reaching out just to that one person, but to the entire network.
Kristen: Don't forget there are other opportunities beyond product reviews. There's consulting. It's great to get a blogger to help you reach bloggers. Get the blogger to help you think outside the box. What do you want? Links? Feedback? Focus groups? Really think about what you want in the long run. There are creative things that can happen that other women have done.
Devra: When everyone has their policy laid out it's easier to have a honest relationship.
PR Audience Member from Ketcham - They are fortunate to have lots of great blogger experts. Do you find it useful to talk to these experts that are moms? Do you welcome a guest post from these experts?
Kristen: Never does guest posts. But a webcast or conference call if interesting or compelling, then sure. Some great opportunities there. Logistics of those are hard, but great to think about. Needs to be compelling, something bloggers will want to talk about.
Marty from Don't take the repeats: Blogging is a new field in the arts. She does it as a creative outlet. She finds that we need to remember that we are selling out time and our talents. Can't forget that no matter how much we believe in the product they're making money by us helping them.
Devra: It's a business relationship. Even if you form friendships, can't forget that.
Marty again: Doesn't want to give away space and voice for free hand sanitizer. You're making them profit, why can't we be included on that?
Devra: Ad dollars are going much farther with us than with a SuperBowl ad.
Audience Member: If you get a 100 pitches a day, how do you handle it? Do you take a free razor or ask for money first?
Dawn: No right or wrong way. It's a personal choice!
Snapfish: Gets Google alerts for all the blogs. They give free things to people who have great ideas, not just big readership. She responds to people who hate them as well as love them. They are always looking for ways you use the products creatively.
Audience Member: If you aren't adding value to blog with your pitches then it's best to advertise. To PR members: Read your pitches. If you wouldn't want to get it, don't send it!
Kristen: Love the thought that blogging is an art. Write really well and people will find you.
Devra: In the end it's all about developing professional relationships and setting expectations.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Day 2 at BlogHer - The party continues
I had all that angst for so long about being here. Even knowing it was going to be fun I still worried about meeting people, schmoozing, and generally having to be around a 1000 women. I wasted all that time. Because frankly everyone is being ridiculously nice.
I run into people in the elevator and chat for a minute. I've met awesome people at every session and party. I've handed out almost all of my business cards and gathered a million. Everyone is interested in meeting others and I've even accosted some big name bloggers and squealed before composing my self and saying suavely "I read your blog every day." without getting kicked on my ass. Though I did get shy and didn't give them my card. It was still awesome. Heck I've even hobnobbed with some of the BlogHer organizers and been overwhelmed by their cool factor.
Oh! Oh! And I chatted with a girl at a party and kept saying "Man, you really do look familiar. No but really you do." and then her friend rescued me by saying "Well maybe it's because she was just on Rachel Ray." just as the blogger in question handed over her card. Then I got even more excited and I told her that I was incensed that Rachel kept cutting her off. Now we're BFFs. Totally. No joke.
OK. Then there were more sessions, and more parties, and more schmoozing, and then a small group of us ducked out and went to see Mama Mia. Which rocked. We sang, and laughed, and cried, and clapped. It was the perfect movie for this weekend, and not just because M would never have gone to see it with me.
I'm live blogging some more sessions tomorrow and I took endless notes at the first session I attended this morning. I had some profound thoughts I can't wait to share with you all (Blogging! The modern version of the quilting circle!) , but I have to type it all up and just don't have the energy tonight.
All in all, it was well worth the angst. And I'm ridiculously glad I came. And not just because I met Rocco Dispirito, who was totally cool and not at all the asshole everyone makes him out to be. Or because I got a free Blue Tooth Headset this morning. Nope, not at all.
I run into people in the elevator and chat for a minute. I've met awesome people at every session and party. I've handed out almost all of my business cards and gathered a million. Everyone is interested in meeting others and I've even accosted some big name bloggers and squealed before composing my self and saying suavely "I read your blog every day." without getting kicked on my ass. Though I did get shy and didn't give them my card. It was still awesome. Heck I've even hobnobbed with some of the BlogHer organizers and been overwhelmed by their cool factor.
Oh! Oh! And I chatted with a girl at a party and kept saying "Man, you really do look familiar. No but really you do." and then her friend rescued me by saying "Well maybe it's because she was just on Rachel Ray." just as the blogger in question handed over her card. Then I got even more excited and I told her that I was incensed that Rachel kept cutting her off. Now we're BFFs. Totally. No joke.
OK. Then there were more sessions, and more parties, and more schmoozing, and then a small group of us ducked out and went to see Mama Mia. Which rocked. We sang, and laughed, and cried, and clapped. It was the perfect movie for this weekend, and not just because M would never have gone to see it with me.
I'm live blogging some more sessions tomorrow and I took endless notes at the first session I attended this morning. I had some profound thoughts I can't wait to share with you all (Blogging! The modern version of the quilting circle!) , but I have to type it all up and just don't have the energy tonight.
All in all, it was well worth the angst. And I'm ridiculously glad I came. And not just because I met Rocco Dispirito, who was totally cool and not at all the asshole everyone makes him out to be. Or because I got a free Blue Tooth Headset this morning. Nope, not at all.
BlogHer08 - Public Parenting & Privacy - Liveblog of session
Session speakers: Chris Jordan, Shannon Lowe, Crystal McKee, Shino Tanaka, and Shireen Mitchell.
Crystal - Pretty open with her blog. Doesn't hide much, uses real names, posts pictures, never had problems until recently. 15 yo son was missing for 10 years. When she got him back and started telling his story, people reacted saying that she was abusing him by sharing story.
Tanaka - Two blogs, one private one public. Was police officer in Bay Area. Perspective on social networking and police.
Chris Jordan - When started 4.5 years ago, didn't use real names, not for protection but to keep them Google proof. Didn't think more of that. She really didn't think people would read her blog. Miles, the baby, is the only one whose name is public.
Shannon - Conscious of kids safety . 9 & 11 - kids aware of what happens. - Her goal was to have them think be OK with her blog when they become adults - Wants them to think it's well written and respected them and kept them as #1 priority . She shows pictures but no faces.
Question for the audience - Safety for kids? What comes to mind first?
Sex predators
Kidnapping
Not embarrassing them
Photos without permission - people stealing them or taking faces to put them on other photos.
Worry bout getting something in the mail. - if they can get address what else can they know?
Future implications for them - job interviews career, or anything else.
Questioning your parenting - you and ability to be a parent.
Legal issues - people in legal battles blog being used against you.
Violating their trust - some things not being kept secret.
Shannon- Why don't show pictures? Concerns?
Decision was made with her husband. He's more private than she is. For his comfort level and to help him accept the blog. She's a private person too. It's not bad to be over cautious. The Internet is what it is. People find out what they want. Being private is less of a safety issue and more a boundary. Compartmentalization is her safety net. If she slips up and reveals too much she finds comfort in the added barrier. Manny people fall on different spots on the privacy line. What they do works for them . It's a very personal choice and she wouldn't criticize a mom for a decision she makes on that.
Chris - What she blogs is small portion of life. When does share stories it's just a small portion. She worries about what will kids think of what she chooses to publish. One reader insists on putting Chris's husband',s name, address and contact info in EACH comment section of each blog she writes. It's why she moderates comments. She's not worried about the person, she knows it's just a power thing.
She's had kid's photos taken and posted other places. She finds them. She watermarks them and has a private flickr account. She's not going to live in fear. People get around it security boundaries, but you don't stop.
Crystal - It's not hard for people to find anything if they want it. Fortunately she hasn't had anything negative happen yet. She checks with her son; if something makes him uncomfortable she pulls it. She wants to protect her integrity. She's fortunate to have a great, supportive readership. Just one person who thinks she's a "wack job."
Shino - Anytime our kids are involved it's a Big Deal. End of story. That said, the concern about stranger danger is very real. Govt collects data. 800 000 kids are abducted every year. 82% by people we know: family, pool cleaner, car washer - it speaks volumes. Knowing that puts her mind at ease. WHOA.org, working against abuse on internet, took data from 2007 - 2200 people took a questionnaire - cyber stalking = 50% from people you know.
S0, be cautious about what you put out there. What have you given up so far?
Watermarking great idea.
But, if people really want it, they'll get it. So just be aware.
Educate yourself about how the internet works and how searches work. Get better understanding, that's how you can best protect yourself.
Shireen - Writes for Digital sisters and has come across moms so scared of internet that they unplug themselves. Stranger Danger more scary than world around them. It's a problem. Statistics important, but also education. Disconnecting the child = no access to internet for education. Need to understand what balance means for each of us. Cutting yourself off completely isn't safe or good.
Poll - Based on all issues above - Show of hands: What's most important to you:
Opportunities for kids future - 5 hands
Violating trust - 5 hands
Sexual predators - 20 hands
Questioning parenting - no hands
Pictures w/out permission - 30 hands
Kidnapping - 3 hands
Embarrassing your child - 10 hands
Legal implications - 3 hands
Top - taking pics and sex predators
Crystal - She's more worried about creepy guy across street than the readers. Very protective of kids in real life. Kids don't walk to school. She's always very aware of what they're doing. As far as herself online very open. And pictures? She can't ever get anything but back's of head, so it's not an issue.
Shannon - Pics taken and photoshopped and then emailed to her kid with profane content. It was unerving to say the least. Things happen, but now she is more aware that there are creepos with photoshop skills. It made her thankful that has set the limits she set at the start. And it has forced her to become a more creative as a photographer. In fact, some of her favorite shots are from behind.
Question from audience - Mimi on the Breach - Ran a poll about blogging privacy - Most people who answered wish they hadn't given URL about family, or name of employer. It's good to be careful about protecting their families, but sometimes there are broader issues, more personal reasons. Privacy is bigger than this idea of keeping kids safe.
Chris - The internet isn't private. People find stuff.
Attack of Redneck Mommy - Don't write what you don't want to cop to owning or you wouldn't say to your mom to her face. They are in the process of adopting, and she didn't give the link to her blog, but didn't hide it. The adoption people found it and because of what they read they almost didn't get approved. The reviewer didn't like the style of humor and thought maybe she wouldn't be an appropriate parent. Tanis didn't think being so honest would kick her in the ass. Blogging has had interesting ramifications. She's still backpedaling and recovering from that. They are in the process of adopting and fostering a little boy and she can't write about it because it might backfire.
Mom without a Map - At what point did you change, go from writing for family to writing to others? Is there a time when you can still change it to be private without it seeming odd? Do you go through every page, entry by entry? Do you take down old content?
Shino:Find and replace, it's the only thing.
Though, one caveat, if you've posted something, it can still be searched. Once Google picks it up they can hold on to it. If you put it out there it's out there, you can't take it back. Trust your gut. Be more conservative at first.
Audience member - People are catching on that they can be searched and are using more alias'. When you register a domain name you need to put name and address, it becomes public record. If you are worried then use alias or business name when registering a domain name.
Shino - Understand the tools! Software exists that can block your IP address or your address and email.
Shireen - You can purchase software that makes your domain private. Can also use a PO box instead of address.
Audience member - What happens if you didn't think you were going to attain popularity? You want to retain your anonymity. What if you get interviewed by a magazine or invited to be a panelist? How can you promote yourself and still maintain boundaries?
Shannon - She uses her last name everywhere except on her blog. For her blog it's more about Google search than keeping herself private. When you become a writer you put yourself out there, it's part of the gig.
Shino - She has a public and a private blog and tries to keep them separate.
Shireen - You can use pen names. Abbreviations of names, or initials. User names too. Use those to promote yourself instead of your real name.
Audience member - Question about how to use children's names - Her kids have unusual names to go with their common last name. It's easy to Google them. As a tech worker she's told she should have a Web 2.0 resume to promote herself. Once you hit her on Linked In you're done, you know everything about her. She wants to keep her kids safe, but she needs to promote herself to eat. Needs to have a job, needs to promote herself, but now people berate her for exploiting her kids. Hard to find a balance.
Audience member - The risk of putting kids online is worth it. When Crystal talks about her kids, she's teaching them not to be ashamed about stuff. It's OK to be human and fallible. Woman at playgroup too worried about seeming proper. Crystal is giving her son the lesson that it's OK to be honest and true. There is something good about mommy blogging. We shouldn't protect to the point of denying that to our kids.
Crystal - Believes in the goodness of people. Nothing wrong with being honest.
Audience member - Are we concerned because it's part of our core and how we behave? Are our spouse having same concerns? Husband way more concerned, and yet, she's worried for his sake and everyone's sake. In the relationship who's more concerned? Do you have a burden to worry more than your spouse?
Heather - Desperately Seeking Sanity- She's been in Internet since start, so her kids have grown up in that world (9 & 11) have 7 computers, so when they go places and met blog friends on the way her kids are very used to it. Both kids have email addresses, the older one has a My Space page. But she has rules. Mom has the passwords. They can't chat with people they don't know in real life. Her fear is that her kids will see her meeting strangers and wonder why they can't do the same. So, how do we educate our own kids? How much comes from us? How do we set an example in a digital age?
Audience member - Our kids are growing up with the Internet. Our fears won't concern them when they are grown up. It's part of their world and won't be a big deal for them.
Crystal: She has no privacy, her pastor and boss read her blog. If she can't say it to you, she doesn't say it. Hasn't had any backlash from being very honest - just great outpouring of love and support.
Chris: Don't keep it a secret from your kids. Be open. Parents are allowed to do things kids can't do. It's OK.
Shannon: When blogging is a part of a mother's life and the family's life it interjects dialog about Internet safety. Use connections made to generate great discussions. Now kids are more educated about it. It's important to take advantage of it as an educational tool.
Audience member - If someone creepy wants to come after you online they'll have to work hard. Easier to follow you home from the grocery store. She's had people email her to say that they saw her kid's pictures and to have her check. If we all watch each other's backs, we can keep each other safe.
Audience member - She's a political blogger who posts about Choice issues. She got pregnant and other blogger took her ultrasound picture and photoshopped it to put a helmet on baby and said it needed to be protected because she might abort it in the 8th month. How does she link both sides: parenting and political?
Shireen - All of our choices are individual, we can discuss as a group, but in the end we have to make the choices that work for us.
Educating our kids big thing that came from this discussion. We need more education and dialog with our kids. Have to think about what's happening in our community. We have to set our boundaries.
We also have to remember that phones have Internet and photos. Kids need to know what they do has effects on everyone.
Crystal - Pretty open with her blog. Doesn't hide much, uses real names, posts pictures, never had problems until recently. 15 yo son was missing for 10 years. When she got him back and started telling his story, people reacted saying that she was abusing him by sharing story.
Tanaka - Two blogs, one private one public. Was police officer in Bay Area. Perspective on social networking and police.
Chris Jordan - When started 4.5 years ago, didn't use real names, not for protection but to keep them Google proof. Didn't think more of that. She really didn't think people would read her blog. Miles, the baby, is the only one whose name is public.
Shannon - Conscious of kids safety . 9 & 11 - kids aware of what happens. - Her goal was to have them think be OK with her blog when they become adults - Wants them to think it's well written and respected them and kept them as #1 priority . She shows pictures but no faces.
Question for the audience - Safety for kids? What comes to mind first?
Sex predators
Kidnapping
Not embarrassing them
Photos without permission - people stealing them or taking faces to put them on other photos.
Worry bout getting something in the mail. - if they can get address what else can they know?
Future implications for them - job interviews career, or anything else.
Questioning your parenting - you and ability to be a parent.
Legal issues - people in legal battles blog being used against you.
Violating their trust - some things not being kept secret.
Shannon- Why don't show pictures? Concerns?
Decision was made with her husband. He's more private than she is. For his comfort level and to help him accept the blog. She's a private person too. It's not bad to be over cautious. The Internet is what it is. People find out what they want. Being private is less of a safety issue and more a boundary. Compartmentalization is her safety net. If she slips up and reveals too much she finds comfort in the added barrier. Manny people fall on different spots on the privacy line. What they do works for them . It's a very personal choice and she wouldn't criticize a mom for a decision she makes on that.
Chris - What she blogs is small portion of life. When does share stories it's just a small portion. She worries about what will kids think of what she chooses to publish. One reader insists on putting Chris's husband',s name, address and contact info in EACH comment section of each blog she writes. It's why she moderates comments. She's not worried about the person, she knows it's just a power thing.
She's had kid's photos taken and posted other places. She finds them. She watermarks them and has a private flickr account. She's not going to live in fear. People get around it security boundaries, but you don't stop.
Crystal - It's not hard for people to find anything if they want it. Fortunately she hasn't had anything negative happen yet. She checks with her son; if something makes him uncomfortable she pulls it. She wants to protect her integrity. She's fortunate to have a great, supportive readership. Just one person who thinks she's a "wack job."
Shino - Anytime our kids are involved it's a Big Deal. End of story. That said, the concern about stranger danger is very real. Govt collects data. 800 000 kids are abducted every year. 82% by people we know: family, pool cleaner, car washer - it speaks volumes. Knowing that puts her mind at ease. WHOA.org, working against abuse on internet, took data from 2007 - 2200 people took a questionnaire - cyber stalking = 50% from people you know.
S0, be cautious about what you put out there. What have you given up so far?
Watermarking great idea.
But, if people really want it, they'll get it. So just be aware.
Educate yourself about how the internet works and how searches work. Get better understanding, that's how you can best protect yourself.
Shireen - Writes for Digital sisters and has come across moms so scared of internet that they unplug themselves. Stranger Danger more scary than world around them. It's a problem. Statistics important, but also education. Disconnecting the child = no access to internet for education. Need to understand what balance means for each of us. Cutting yourself off completely isn't safe or good.
Poll - Based on all issues above - Show of hands: What's most important to you:
Opportunities for kids future - 5 hands
Violating trust - 5 hands
Sexual predators - 20 hands
Questioning parenting - no hands
Pictures w/out permission - 30 hands
Kidnapping - 3 hands
Embarrassing your child - 10 hands
Legal implications - 3 hands
Top - taking pics and sex predators
Crystal - She's more worried about creepy guy across street than the readers. Very protective of kids in real life. Kids don't walk to school. She's always very aware of what they're doing. As far as herself online very open. And pictures? She can't ever get anything but back's of head, so it's not an issue.
Shannon - Pics taken and photoshopped and then emailed to her kid with profane content. It was unerving to say the least. Things happen, but now she is more aware that there are creepos with photoshop skills. It made her thankful that has set the limits she set at the start. And it has forced her to become a more creative as a photographer. In fact, some of her favorite shots are from behind.
Question from audience - Mimi on the Breach - Ran a poll about blogging privacy - Most people who answered wish they hadn't given URL about family, or name of employer. It's good to be careful about protecting their families, but sometimes there are broader issues, more personal reasons. Privacy is bigger than this idea of keeping kids safe.
Chris - The internet isn't private. People find stuff.
Attack of Redneck Mommy - Don't write what you don't want to cop to owning or you wouldn't say to your mom to her face. They are in the process of adopting, and she didn't give the link to her blog, but didn't hide it. The adoption people found it and because of what they read they almost didn't get approved. The reviewer didn't like the style of humor and thought maybe she wouldn't be an appropriate parent. Tanis didn't think being so honest would kick her in the ass. Blogging has had interesting ramifications. She's still backpedaling and recovering from that. They are in the process of adopting and fostering a little boy and she can't write about it because it might backfire.
Mom without a Map - At what point did you change, go from writing for family to writing to others? Is there a time when you can still change it to be private without it seeming odd? Do you go through every page, entry by entry? Do you take down old content?
Shino:Find and replace, it's the only thing.
Though, one caveat, if you've posted something, it can still be searched. Once Google picks it up they can hold on to it. If you put it out there it's out there, you can't take it back. Trust your gut. Be more conservative at first.
Audience member - People are catching on that they can be searched and are using more alias'. When you register a domain name you need to put name and address, it becomes public record. If you are worried then use alias or business name when registering a domain name.
Shino - Understand the tools! Software exists that can block your IP address or your address and email.
Shireen - You can purchase software that makes your domain private. Can also use a PO box instead of address.
Audience member - What happens if you didn't think you were going to attain popularity? You want to retain your anonymity. What if you get interviewed by a magazine or invited to be a panelist? How can you promote yourself and still maintain boundaries?
Shannon - She uses her last name everywhere except on her blog. For her blog it's more about Google search than keeping herself private. When you become a writer you put yourself out there, it's part of the gig.
Shino - She has a public and a private blog and tries to keep them separate.
Shireen - You can use pen names. Abbreviations of names, or initials. User names too. Use those to promote yourself instead of your real name.
Audience member - Question about how to use children's names - Her kids have unusual names to go with their common last name. It's easy to Google them. As a tech worker she's told she should have a Web 2.0 resume to promote herself. Once you hit her on Linked In you're done, you know everything about her. She wants to keep her kids safe, but she needs to promote herself to eat. Needs to have a job, needs to promote herself, but now people berate her for exploiting her kids. Hard to find a balance.
Audience member - The risk of putting kids online is worth it. When Crystal talks about her kids, she's teaching them not to be ashamed about stuff. It's OK to be human and fallible. Woman at playgroup too worried about seeming proper. Crystal is giving her son the lesson that it's OK to be honest and true. There is something good about mommy blogging. We shouldn't protect to the point of denying that to our kids.
Crystal - Believes in the goodness of people. Nothing wrong with being honest.
Audience member - Are we concerned because it's part of our core and how we behave? Are our spouse having same concerns? Husband way more concerned, and yet, she's worried for his sake and everyone's sake. In the relationship who's more concerned? Do you have a burden to worry more than your spouse?
Heather - Desperately Seeking Sanity- She's been in Internet since start, so her kids have grown up in that world (9 & 11) have 7 computers, so when they go places and met blog friends on the way her kids are very used to it. Both kids have email addresses, the older one has a My Space page. But she has rules. Mom has the passwords. They can't chat with people they don't know in real life. Her fear is that her kids will see her meeting strangers and wonder why they can't do the same. So, how do we educate our own kids? How much comes from us? How do we set an example in a digital age?
Audience member - Our kids are growing up with the Internet. Our fears won't concern them when they are grown up. It's part of their world and won't be a big deal for them.
Crystal: She has no privacy, her pastor and boss read her blog. If she can't say it to you, she doesn't say it. Hasn't had any backlash from being very honest - just great outpouring of love and support.
Chris: Don't keep it a secret from your kids. Be open. Parents are allowed to do things kids can't do. It's OK.
Shannon: When blogging is a part of a mother's life and the family's life it interjects dialog about Internet safety. Use connections made to generate great discussions. Now kids are more educated about it. It's important to take advantage of it as an educational tool.
Audience member - If someone creepy wants to come after you online they'll have to work hard. Easier to follow you home from the grocery store. She's had people email her to say that they saw her kid's pictures and to have her check. If we all watch each other's backs, we can keep each other safe.
Audience member - She's a political blogger who posts about Choice issues. She got pregnant and other blogger took her ultrasound picture and photoshopped it to put a helmet on baby and said it needed to be protected because she might abort it in the 8th month. How does she link both sides: parenting and political?
Shireen - All of our choices are individual, we can discuss as a group, but in the end we have to make the choices that work for us.
Educating our kids big thing that came from this discussion. We need more education and dialog with our kids. Have to think about what's happening in our community. We have to set our boundaries.
We also have to remember that phones have Internet and photos. Kids need to know what they do has effects on everyone.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Aaand... we're here
My roomie and I arrived in plenty of time to get settled into our hotel room and get changed before heading out to the three parties scheduled for this evening.
We started at the big Silicon Valley Moms blog party at Slide. We got there a tad early, lured by the promise of food and wine. When they finally let us into the groovy club we sedately took the stairs to the darkened room and made a beeline for the buffet. (No we did not go down the slide. Shh. I know. Party poopers. Whatev.) We ensconced ourselves in a corner booth and dug in. And that's when the miracle took place. People came over, sat with us, chatted, and stayed. Soon we felt like the heart of the party. And we never had to get up! It was awesome. So when it came time to move on to the next two parties we were pretty well rested still. Brilliant technique.
Best part of the evening? Winning a 4gig video iPod nano. Dude. We entered a Chevy contest. They asked us to come up with cool descriptions for the new Chevy Traverse. I whipped out a bit about Maximus Prime and won. Clearly the judge was just as into Transformers as me... because she never picked up on the fact that I got the name horribly, embarrassingly wrong. Oops. Oh well. Let's focus on the important things: shiny gorgeous iPod.
Two more parties, lots and lots of schmoozing. Meeting awesome bloggers. Drinking. Handing out tons of business cards and pocketing just as many. Laughing, laughing, and laughing some more. And now we are safely back in our room, snug in our Heavenly beds, ready to sleep the deep, deep sleep of mommies who won't be woken in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow? More schmoozing and hobnobbing and lots of learning and blogging. I'm liveblogging one session tomorrow and two on Saturday so stay tuned for awesome reports from the BlogHer front.
Can't get over how nice everyone was, how many people I met, and how much fun I'm already having. This rocks. So does this bed. And my ear plugs and Simply Sleep. Yawn.
We started at the big Silicon Valley Moms blog party at Slide. We got there a tad early, lured by the promise of food and wine. When they finally let us into the groovy club we sedately took the stairs to the darkened room and made a beeline for the buffet. (No we did not go down the slide. Shh. I know. Party poopers. Whatev.) We ensconced ourselves in a corner booth and dug in. And that's when the miracle took place. People came over, sat with us, chatted, and stayed. Soon we felt like the heart of the party. And we never had to get up! It was awesome. So when it came time to move on to the next two parties we were pretty well rested still. Brilliant technique.
Best part of the evening? Winning a 4gig video iPod nano. Dude. We entered a Chevy contest. They asked us to come up with cool descriptions for the new Chevy Traverse. I whipped out a bit about Maximus Prime and won. Clearly the judge was just as into Transformers as me... because she never picked up on the fact that I got the name horribly, embarrassingly wrong. Oops. Oh well. Let's focus on the important things: shiny gorgeous iPod.
Two more parties, lots and lots of schmoozing. Meeting awesome bloggers. Drinking. Handing out tons of business cards and pocketing just as many. Laughing, laughing, and laughing some more. And now we are safely back in our room, snug in our Heavenly beds, ready to sleep the deep, deep sleep of mommies who won't be woken in the middle of the night.
Tomorrow? More schmoozing and hobnobbing and lots of learning and blogging. I'm liveblogging one session tomorrow and two on Saturday so stay tuned for awesome reports from the BlogHer front.
Can't get over how nice everyone was, how many people I met, and how much fun I'm already having. This rocks. So does this bed. And my ear plugs and Simply Sleep. Yawn.
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